Bittersweet

Today I want to talk about something that I’m sure most, if not all of you can relate to.

Jealousy. I’m not referring to it in the typical sense either. I’m talking about that feeling you get when you go on social media and see your friends & family moving on in life, getting married, going on vacations, getting promotions at work. All while we are forced to lay in our beds watching the the world pass us by.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy that my friends & family are out living life and making memories, but something inside makes me feel bitter. I feel jealous and maybe even a little angry, because 6 months ago, I was doing all of those things. I had a good job, I went on vacations, had plans to get married to my wonderful girlfriend and buy a house together.

Instead, I was struck down by a debilitating illness that often leaves me bedbound, with no real statistics on recovery, no solid treatment protocol and almost no support from the medical community.

I know that my situation could be worse, much worse. But it’s still hard to cope. I feel that I am grieving the loss of my own life and there isn’t a damn thing that I can do about it.

All I can do is sit and wait for a cure, or a treatment that may or may not give me some kind of quality of life back and hope that I don’t become too much of a burden on my family.

“Jealousy is just love and hate at the same time”

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